There and back again

When I arrived in Sydney a little over 2 weeks ago, I found the streetscape, the weather, the sensation of walking through the city and suburbs hugely, and unexpectedly, familiar. It was the first time in more than 25 years that I had taken a long absence from Australia and then returned. Somewhere in my mind I was expecting to feel unconnected with the place, but it seems that my Australian life is deeply ingrained although overlaid with a veneer of life in Vung Tau.

I spent the 2 weeks doing much as I expected - visiting family, catching up with friends, sorting papers, filing tax return. It was an enjoyable time and seemed to stretch more than 14 days, creating a distance of time as well as space from daily life and work in Vung Tau. People asked me was I happy to be back, and I was. At the same time I did feel like a visitor - it was very different to returning to a home space from a holiday abroad. And at the same time I could say with sincerity that I was looking forward to returning to Vietnam as well.

The experience of 'coming home' to Vung Tau has contrasted strongly with how I felt returning to Sydney. For a couple of days I felt very unconnected - the same sensation that I had expected and not felt in Sydney. I know my way around Vung Tau in a rough way, I got back on the motorbike without much hesitation, returned to the market, started eating at the same shops, but ... it's really hit home how far still I have to go to feel part 0f the place (let alone be part of the place). I commented to a number of people in Australia that not having the language makes life here very simple in terms of information and events. The many detailed complexities of life that roll on in every community wash past me unnoticed. It's striking home how much of a surface dweller I am in Vung Tau - shallow-rooted and easily dislodged, there is little to bind me here.

I'm not saying that language is the issue here - and besides I could be making much more of an effort to learn and use it. I think what I'm exploring/living out (or not!) is trying to move beyond just having a reason for being here, and instead work out whether this is soil in which I'm going to take root.